Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
