I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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