capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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