My Higher Power is John Stamos
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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