i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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