Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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