I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
