When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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