Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
