sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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