i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
do nipples grow back?
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