so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
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