Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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