I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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