I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
