why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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