Your tits are I can't wait for
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
