Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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