the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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