I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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