I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
please come you make the beer taste better
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
