how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
