i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
