Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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