Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
