I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
