i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
