Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
