this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
