There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
