So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
