Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
