I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
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