I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
