i think my mom watched the whole time
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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