youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
