I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
