Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
