im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
