Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
