I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
