He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
PANTIES FOUND
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