Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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