He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
