Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
