End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
