it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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