have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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