I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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