I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
