well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
