Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i would punch a child for taco bell
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
