Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
