i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
