I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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