Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
