You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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