White coat. Heels.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
